Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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