I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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