I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
