Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
