Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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