the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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