So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
