Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
