worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
