Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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