Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
