um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
