By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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