Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
