so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
