There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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