it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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