it hurts more in the daytime
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
