We should be called the Road Head Warriors
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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