My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
