His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
