I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
