i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize