MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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