I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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