Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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