Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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