U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
