Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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