Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
