god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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