she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
