turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
