What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i think i have two assholes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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