the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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