look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Are these your boobs on my camera?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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