If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
