Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
