i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
