oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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