Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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