My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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