Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
