Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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