It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
