if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
