i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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