Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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