If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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