My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
