Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
