Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
