I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sext me about skeletons
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
