I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
