Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize