Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
