This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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