my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
