i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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