I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
