Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
