dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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