She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Drunk is not a location!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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