Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
