Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
