No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
