I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
