so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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